You would think in a Warehouse full of endless wonder, there would be a better job to do besides paperwork. Snagging was an adventure, research was fun, inventory was fascinating, but paperwork? It was so...mundane. So...boring. So...OfficeSpace.

You yawned as you sifted through the yellowed artifact report sheets. Claudia was still in the process of updating the Warehouse's data base so that it would be entirely electronic (a process that Artie was dragging his heels about), so while she and Steve and Myka and Pete and even Artie and Helena were off grabbing their own AOWs, you were stuck in the office trying to transcribe into the computer the chicken scratch that various agents ranging from those in the forties to even a few from Warehouse 12 contributed to the scary pile of reports looming over you.

You pinched your nose and sighed. The magnifying glass you had to use to translate the small print hand of some female agent at the turn of the century clattered to the desktop when you dropped it to arch your back. A satisfying crack! was heard, but you could only respond with a groan. 

Suddenly, beneath the crinkled papers you hear a familiar ring. Suddenly filled with vigor, you frantically sift through the mess until you find the Farnsworth. 

"Please let it be a super-powered scanner," you half-seriously prayed to the empty air, and flipped open the device.

The familiar face of the tech genius filled the screen. "Hey, how's it going?"

You scowled, but responded evenly, "You're cleaning the FISH when you get back, that is all I have to say."

Claudia grinned, but quickly went serious. "Listen, I need your help. Is there any artifact that can..."


Are you ready to take the challenge? All of the other agents need your help to help identify their artifacts. All of them have some of the effects of the artifacts from victim's reports, and it is your job to come up with an artifact (of your own creation, of course) that fits those criteria. Offer as many suggestions as you like - remember, the more the brainstorming, the easier it is to find the artifact!

Claudia: "Victims are freezing to death - in Miami. All of them experienced hypothermia before actually becoming a human popsicle, turning completely to ice."

  • Robert Ettinger's Metre Ruler - The father of cryogenics started out as a math and physics teacher at Wayne State University and Highland Park Community College, where he picked up this particular beauty. Embued with his success, holding the stick will put the holder into a cryogenic state to preserve them. However, touching the artifact for only a few moments or without a proper amount of focus will freeze the victim as an ice sculpture. Currently stored in the Warehouse.</li>
  • Edmund Hillary's Climbing Gloves - On the 29th of May, 1953, Kiwi (from New Zealand) climber Edmund Hillary and his guide Tenzing Norgay became the first confirmed people to reach the summit of Mt. Everest. These gloves, used during the climb, can melt any ice when pressed against it. However, everything that the gloves touch when worn will turn completely to ice. Currently in the Warehouse.</li>
  • Clarence Birdseye's Food Freezer - After Clarence was inspired by the Inuit's method of freezing fish to retain freshness, he set off to create a freezing method to replace the contemporary ones, in order to better preserve the cell tissue of the foods, and thus prevent cellular fluids from leaking and causing a mushy or dry texture to the foods. However, his prototype worked a little too well. Placing foods inside the freezer will preserve them indefinitely, but thawing them and consuming them will transfer the preservation to the eater, turning them frozen solid. Currently in the Warehouse.</li>
  • Auguste Escoffier's ??? - A French Chef, Escoffier was famous for his cuisine creations, and one of the most important figures in modernizing French cooking. His methods and styles have been adopted not only in France, but by chefs and restuarants all over the world. One of his famous dishes was created as a dedication to a famous opera singer of the day, Dame Nellie Melba, and was titled peche' Melba, or Peach Melba. A peach, raspberry, and vanilla ice cream creation, it was served with an ice sculpture of a swan. The swan was said to be so life-like that Agents suspected Escoffier of using some sort of artifact to freeze an actual swan to ice. Suspicions were confirmed when other brilliant ice sculptures showed up in the area of people who vanished, but unfortunately the artifact was never recovered. It was thought, however, not to have been Escoffier's originally. Whereabouts unknown.</li>

    Helena: "An elderly woman robbed a national bank and easily evaded potential captors and security, using unexpected strength and flexibility, before fleeing in her car which has not yet been recovered. No elderly homes have reported any of their occupants missing."

  • Charles Dodgson's Rosary - The Great-Grandfather of Charles Dodgson, the writer, and also the subject of this great-grandson's poem, 'You Are Old, Father William,' a parody of Robert Southey's poem, 'The Old Man's Comforts and How He Gained Them.' The rosary was reportedly passed down the family until it disappeared, most likely stolen by a burglar and sold to the highest bidder. The rosary, when held or worn, gives the user stronger muscles, enhanced flexibility, better ease of movement, and enheightened eyesight. However, it also rapidly increases age and irritability. </li>

    Artie: "People are complaining of migraines all through Crackerjack, Ohklahoma, with the local bank being ground zero for the effects. All of the employees are suffering from increased headaches as well as losing skin tone and becoming translucent."

  • Alvin C. Graves' Tie - Graves was an atomic physicist who directed the nuclear weapons testing for the United States, leading most of the Nevada Test Site experiments as well as the Marshall Island tests. Probably one of the most famous nuclear tests, Castle Bravo, was performed on Bikini Atoll, only 120 kilometers from Rongelap Atoll's northern shore. Inhabitants of Rongelap were obviously exposed to the nuclear radiation, which caused leukemia, cancer, and jellyfish babies, among other things. Attempts to clean up the blast site are still questionably successful. The tie transmits nuclear radiation, which causes effects similar to what happened at Rongelap Atoll, notably headaches and loss of pigmentation in the skin. Wearing the tie will also cause the user to become temporarily sterile and permanantly blind. </li>
  • Laozi's Caligraphy Brush - A Chinese philosopher who is thought to have lived during the 6th century BCE, Laozi is accredited to promoting wu wei, an aspect of Taoism that says that people truly in harmony with Tao act not because they should, but because it is the natural thing. This brush is what Laozi used to write his teachings, and what eventually caused his disappearance. Writing the name of a person with the brush will allow the user to write directly from the target's mind, effectively putting their life onto paper. Unfortunately, doing so drains the life of the target as well as their physical being, eventually causing them to fade away.</li>

    Pete: "Disney World isn't the happiest place on Earth when Cinderella's castle has been shooting off lightning bolts which have incinerated Goofy - or, at least the costume. The guy, miraculously, was unharmed."

  • Zeus's Toga - Effects unknown. Believed to have control over lightning.</li>
  • Fairy Godmother's Magic Wand - A handcrafted wand gifted to Walt Disney after Cinderellas success. Effects unknown. Believed to have control over lightning.</li>
  • Eiffel Tower's Spire - The Eiffel Tower, or La Tour Eiffel, was built in 1889 by Gustave Eiffel, a French civil engineer and architect. The Tower was the tallest man-made structure in the world from the completion of it's structure to 1930, when the Chrysler Building was constructed. It is also the tallest structure in Paris and the second tallest in France. As such, it has attracted numerous lightning strikes. The spire of the tower began absorbing these lightning strikes to the point that it became an artifact, able to absorb and shoot lightning bolts, and during a reconstruction during 1950, was replaced by a taller one (which, incidentally, surpassed the height of the Chrysler Building). The original was sold, and the location is currently unknown.</li>

    Steve: "I'm at a fish market in Shang-Hai, which has experienced strong gale-sized bursts of wind that have knocked over people and caused several serious injuries."

  • Fei Lian's Bag - Fei Lian is the Chinese God of the Wind, and is known to be a mischievious winged dragon with the head of a sparrow, the horns of a bull, the body and legs of a stag, and the tail of a snake. He carried the wind in his goatskin satchel, and used it to summon vicious storms to trouble the world, which he did extensively after his exile to a mountain cavern by the ruling diety Huang Di after he and Rain God Chi-Song-Zi attempted to overthrow him. The winds became too much, and he was eventually defeated by the celestial archer Yi, who punctured the Fei Lian's bag and caused the winds to escape. Potentially patched by this point, whereabouts are unknown.</li>

    Myka: "Two teenagers were arrested for causing a riot in a movie theatre, after they started screaming that they were in each others bodies. They were making out in the back of the theatre earlier and so were suspected to just be nusences. However, several other teenage couples have started making the claims at the same theatre, and each have continued to insist they are in their partner's body."

  • Original Film Reel of 'Dating the Enemy' - A 1996 Australian movie staring Claudia Karvan and Guy Pearce about a girlfriend and boyfriend who swapped bodies after having a fight, and had to learn how to walk a mile in each other's shoes. If an unmarried couple who has fought (no matter how minorly) watches the film, and makes physical contact during the viewing, the couple will swap bodies. The effect will last until the film is viewed again by the same couple on the night of a full moon, all the while maintaining skin-to-skin contact throughout the entire film, credits included. Any break in contact will render the effects permanent, and further attempts to reverse the process become futile.</li>
  • Vladimir Demikhov's Medical Tray - Effects unknown, but suggested to have body-swapping effects. Not currently in the Warehouse.</li>

    Happy Brainstorming!

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